I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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