Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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