He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
