he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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