He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
