plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME