Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
