Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
