I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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