Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He? As in you personified your dick?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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