I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
