Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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