We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
