College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
