This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You can't special order awesome
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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