it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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