So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
