it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
