you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
