just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
