i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
