So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
