What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
