I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
