I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
So apparently I’m into choking now
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
