We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
