i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
