If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
try to milk me bitch
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