I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
