So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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