Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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