allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
