maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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