The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
