His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
