You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
