I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
