Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
