After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
