we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
