Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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