I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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