AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
