hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How naked do you want me to be?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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