just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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