i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
