I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just blew my weed a kiss
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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