im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
