i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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