I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
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HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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