hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
