So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
