y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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