you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
