I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
