Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
