Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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