you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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