I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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