So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
