Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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