You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
