You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
