I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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