Nicole vs. Life
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
