So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
