The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
