wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
