he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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