and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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